There once was young couple, dearly in love with each other. They met in the most marvelous of circumstances, but that is a matter for another time. Their days of heroism and mischiefs are now over and they have settled down in a small town. A town that was nestled so far into the corner of the map that you have to scrape away some of the ink to see it.
Marigold, who's arms were clad in iron bands and hair was wreathed in thorns, had knelt before their lover, and begged of them. "Will you marry me, my love?"
Chartreuse, who's willowy frame trembled and who's eyes filled with tears, knelt down to embrace their burly lover. "Of course, my dear! Let us be married at once!"
And so they got to the work of getting married. Marigold built a wedding arbor, and cut wood for four days and four nights to make a dozen benches for all the town to sit. Chartreuse recited poems of glory and victory into the wind, and whispered many sweet words to the creeks and ponds and marshy places. Together, they walked hand in hand around the town and invited all of the kind people there to attend their wedding.
"How wonderful it is that you're getting married!" called the butcher.
"How fortunate I am to live to see this happy day." croaked the crone.
"Such a lovely couple you two are, of course I will be there!" replied the tailor.
And at last the day had come for their wedding. They read their vowels and sealed them with a kiss. Then they waited expectantly, looking around any sign that they were married.
"Where's the priest?" an wizened old fool called from the seats.
"Aw shit we forgot to get a priest." Marigold exclaimed, slapping their own forehead.
"Dammit I knew we were forgetting something..." said Chartreuse.
And so they dispersed the gathering, assuring everyone that once things were in order they would be getting married right away.
"Sham of a wedding..." muttered the butcher.
"Good grief what a wretched thing to witness!" hollered the crone.
"What a let down..." mumbled the tailor.
Marigold and Chartreuse prepared for the road. Bread and cheese and water and wine, they had all they needed for the road ahead of them. Towards the shining city the walked. Thanks to their reputation they faced no trouble on the road, even as it grew gnarled and wreathed in shadows. As they approached the city, they past abbey after abbey. "A priest! A priest! We beg of you, the services of a priest!" But at each abbey they were turned away, for all the able priests of the land had been called to serve in the equinox festival. "Go to the center of the shining city, and surely you will encounter a priest willing to offer their services."
And so they walked, until muddy road gave way to paving stones and they were surrounded by the bustle of the city. And just as they were told, flocks of priests were cavorting about. "A priest, a priest!" they called, but none answered as they were so taken with their celebrations. So the tired couple called it a night and slept in an inn.
The next day, they knew they would find a priest to come marry them. It was not long before they encountered some priests milling about and so they called "A priest! A priest! May we ask the services of a priest?" And at last, a priest answered their call. "It is I! Jerbidiah! Priest of priests and honorably licensed officiant. What services do you require, dear companions?"
"Only that we may be married! We tried to get married but it didn't work, because we lacked a priest!"
"That certainly would be a problem, wouldn't it? Well you are in luck. I am all poo-pooed out from partying so hard, so a simple wedding would do me some good. Let us make our way to your town at once!
And so they traveled, with Jerbidiah setting a swift pace despite their many years and billowing robes. In two days time, they arrived at the town with only an hour to spare before sunset.
Marigold mustered her most loud and powerful voice to call to the whole town. "Gather at once, kind people. For I, Marigold, am to marry my beloved, Chartreuse, so that we may live in harmony forever!"
So the whole town gathered, and took their places at the benches set before the wedding arbor. Marigold and Chartreuse recited the vows with such sincerity and eloquence that tears flowed from every eye. Finally, the priest asked them if they would take the other as their spouse, and having said yes, they sealed the arrangement with a kiss. The crowd cheered, and hollered, and stomped their feet with joy. Marigold and Chartreuse wept and clung to each other and knew that no one would forget this special day.
But the celebration didn't last long. The cheering died down, and all beheld the face of the priest. The priest was not filled with mirth. The priest did not smile to the lovely couple. The priest did not toss holy herbs in their direction.
"I am sorry, so deeply sorry, but it didn't work."
Everyone gawked on disbelief.
"Truly, I gave it my best, and I am the best priest one could ask for, but I have failed. You have not become married. I wish there was something I could do, but no, you are not married."
"An outrage! You call yourself a priest!" shouted the butcher.
"An impossible task, what a waste of huzzah." denounced the crone.
"Never in my life I thought I'd witness such a tragedy..." wept the tailor.
Many tears were shed that night, no less by Marigold and Chartreuse. They sent the priest back to the abbey. They wished no ill to them but also could not bear to offer any thanks.
After a month of moping about and being overall in a terrible temperament, Chartreuse was struck by a wonderful idea. "I know of a way! The law, in the law there is a letter, the letter of the law is the common law!"
"A common law marriage? What a wonderful idea!" And so they set about it. With the help of an adept of the law, they determined that within the week they would be considered married due to their mere co-habitation and statement of such fact.
The day rolled around, and the sat in comfortable chairs, watching the day pass by. After the day had passed, they were sure they were married.
But alas, they were again unsuccessful. The adept of the law was befuddled, confused, and even perplexed. All the conditions had been met for a common law marriage, but they were not married at all. Not even a little bit.
And such is the bitter tale of these two young lovers, Marigold and Chartreuse.