Reverse - Adventures of Pea Pod
So you've probably got some question about this strange world you've found yourself in. Don't worry! This helpful guide will give you all of the info you could possibly need.
First things first, almost all humans are total chumps. This isn't their fault, but really. Watch out. They mostly are kind of grummy.
Second, humans are all almost identical. They don't have any tassle, fronce, or melibrium to tell them apart. To help you remember how to tell humans apart, use the following acronym:
These subjects are deeply informative about human experience, if you can understand GASTROPUB, you will be mingling with humans in no time.
Humans, like many of the folks on our side, put things on their bodies which are not there to start with. However, for humans, these items are compulsory. A human will feel "shame" (a very painful emotion) if certain zones and bits are not perfectly covered by clothing. Humans not wearing clothes have never been spotted before, but are rumored to exist.
Human clothing includes familiar items like skirts, wraps, bummous, streamers, and shawls, as well as some you may be confused by:
Every human heart is shrouded in a twisting web of energy. Without this web, a human being is reduced to soggy and useless animal, bawling and screaming. The aura can also include dense fog and, occasionally, brilliant starlight. Most realms have agreed not to accept trade of human auras in order to reduce poaching, but with the recent scandals I'm sure you are aware that this has not been entirely effective.
(In case you have missed the latest gossip, Varrin Gonsch Resplendent Bearer of Lies was recent caught red-handed with dozens of extraordinary human auras. The cover up after the fact was also quite salacious but too off topic for this communication.)
As for identification, peering into a human's aura is a very reliable way not only to recognize them, but learn a few things about them. The fog indicates a bad habit of holding truths within. Pulsing and sparkling both indicate indigestion. Any spikiness should be fervently avoided.
Do be careful, however. Peering into a human's aura usually goes unnoticed, but sometimes they do get noticed and get totally spooked. Once this happens it's best to get away and let them calm down on their own.
This one is easy. As a new traveler to the human realm, I'm sure you've heard them shriek once or twice. If you make a simple mistake, like approaching without the proper greetings or using glamours excessively, you will cause one to create a shriek.
This harsh sound is unique to each human, just like the way each bell has a recognizably unique sound. No two humans have ever been found to have the same shriek, isn't that marvelous?
While humans can seem the same from the outside, seeing how they respond to situations shows that they are actually quite unique. Some will tend to flee, while others will use thoughtglamours to pretend nothing is happening at all, while others will use violence at the drop of a hat.
("At the drop of a hat" means "suddenly, without sufficient cause". It refers to the fact that a hat wearing human, bereft of their hat, will experience waves of unpleasant emotions and react with anger to what would otherwise be a minor inconvenience.)
While temperament is not immediately visible to us, humans have the unique ability to discern temperament of other humans at a glance. While none of our kind have been able to gain this ability, you can still discern temperament by waiting for an accident to happen... or causing one yourself.
"Reasoning" is a kind of mental digestion process that humans use to turn words into more words and reality into more reality. It doesn't seem to provide any utility whatsoever. Nonetheless, humans find the process endearing and just can't stop doing it.
Reasoning is a useful way to tell humans apart because they all do it differently. Depending on what flavor of reasoning someone is using, they'll give different answers to the same question. Try asking these questions to a human, and if you encounter them later you can ask again and be sure that you're still talking to the same human as before.
Some humans love onions, and some despise them. To learn what kind of human you are dealing with, put an onion in front of them. Easy as that.
A human is kind of like a big pile of sludge that pretends to be one big single thing. This mishmash of manyfulness and oneishness makes for a kind of pestilence magnet.
Simple pestilence is easy to spot. Bugs and their ilk will take up residence in a human, making them scritch and scratch at the affected region. The bugs are, of course, easy to identify and recognize as individuals, so you can just remember which bugs are on which human and it's as easy as that.
Complex pestilence is more tricky, but useful in regions where simple pestilence has become rare. Complex pestilence takes the form of various volatile compounds created by human mages, which create a distinct "pestilence fingerprint" for humans in regions with this phenomenon.
Much of the conflict between humans is due to an image each one holds in their head referred to as a "utopia." Utopias are recognizably unique to each human, and humans tend to develop utopias with oppositional characteristics to those found in the humans around them. Even better, utopias are worn on their sleeves. Literally!
This is all well and good for identifying humans, but comes with two major drawbacks. First is that the insights into the human world that you gain by snooping out their utopias are not always pleasant. Second is that they can change dramatically in a moment, causing you to lose track of who is who.
This is by far the most hasslesome to determine, but also the most accurate. Humans identified using bubbles can be recognized correctly after any amount of time (within that human's short little life, of course) has passed. This method also will correctly identify humans who have changed so dramatically that all of the other markers in GASTROPUB will have changed.
To read a human's bubbles, you have to get them into a situation where the profound beauty and hilarity of the world is made clear to them. This may be through creating art, dancing, singing, falling in love, breaking one's heart, and a multitude of other ways. Entire books have been written on the subject, in both this realm and theirs, so I will not go any further into the techniques of bringing about bubbles.
(I will, however, refer you to my person favorite book on the topic, "On Human Romantic Interaction, by ____").
Once a human is in this state, you will know, without a doubt, who they are.
There is so much else to learn about humans, but that's all I have space for on this pinhead. Please do take care of yourself, reading the dangers you were in last time nearly gave me a faelstrum.
Well wishes and wishing wells,
-Marigold