Some of you maybe be familiar with the terms "top" and "bottom" to refer to the fucker and fuckee of any penetrative sex. Sadly these terms just won't do anymore. They have expanded to mean basically any power dynamic situation or situation where there is a do-er and a done-unto.
This overexpansion of the term is a problem because you can no longer use these terms in good conscience to describe two people on equal footing having a mutually pleasurable fuck. Think about how these sentences sound in the (tainted) modern vernacular:
"She topped and did such a terrible job at it."
"I was the bottom and I contributed in a meaningful way to the sex."
"Tops and bottoms are both people."
See? In the ruined linguistic landscape that we stand within, these ideas are so difficult to communicate that I'm sure you got a headache trying to piece together what any of those sentences mean.
To make it possible to have sex without enduring endless paradox and confusion, the Committee of Women Linguists (CoWL) have designed a perfect alternative word choice which carries none of the baggage of the power dynamics of the patriarchy.
Gender neutral, genital neutral, species and planet neutral, these terms can be used to describe any penetrative act whatsoever in any frame of reference. Mundane, profane, secular or sacred, these words have you covered for describing and experiencing sex.
I will include a quote from the CoWL which does well to summarize the weight of what's happening here:
"Sex is no longer restricted to one person above power wielding the means of penetration and one person below power wielding the subject of penetration. Sex can now happen anywhere for any reason, between any two consenting agents. And like 'sex' sex, none of this 'phone sex is sex, writing a book is sex' bullshit that you hippies love getting high on. The air itself is going to be fucking once we're done with this language."
With all that foreplay prelude, I introduce humanity's new words:
Item and orifice.
Isn't that better? Listen again.
Item and orifice.
Again.
Item and orifice.
Perfection.
Consider now the previous examples which tried and failed to express these ideas. Tremble before the expressive weight of this new way of speaking:
"She was item and did such a terrible job at it."
"I was orifice and I contributed in a meaningful way to the sex."
"Items and orifices are both people."
Isn't that just lovely, poetic, and concise? No more confusing power-dynamic laden language. The patriarchy burns to the ground as you absorb this holy knowledge.
TOY AND HOLE. IT'S NOW "TOY" AND "HOLE" FOR WHAT THEY ONCE CALLED "TOP" AND "BOTTOM." THE COMMITTEE OF WOMEN LINGUISTS ARE LIARS. EMBRACE THE TRUTH OF TOY AND HOLE. PASS ON THE MESSAGE BEFORE THEY CHANGE THE LANGUAGE FROM UNDER OUR FEET AND RENDER THESE WORDS ILLEGIBLE.